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A 2018 survey found 74% of people felt so stressed they have been overwhelmed or unable to cope (Mental Health Foundation, 2018). In more recent times, with COVID-19 this has made things more challenging. Mental distress was up by 8% higher in April 2020 than it was between 2017 and 2019 (GOV UK, 2021).
Stress can be defined as:
‘Situations or events that put pressure on us – for example, times where we have lots to do and think about, or don't have much control over what happens’
(Mind, 2017).
Stress can show up in very different ways for everyone. Some of the ways that stress may show up for you could be thoughts such as: “I can’t cope”, “this is too much” and “I don’t have time to do this”. You may be feeling physically tired, your body feeling heavy or tense or even feeling totally detached from your body. In terms of your behaviours, you may shut down. This could look like cancelling plans or shutting yourself away from everyone and everything. You may find yourself being incredibly busy rushing around, feeling like there are not enough hours in the day. You may notice that your sleeping patterns and eating habits change; stress can also affect activities you usually enjoy doing. Emotionally, you may be feeling low, overwhelmed, anxious or irritable. Experiencing a lot of stress over a long period of time can also lead to a feeling of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion, often defined as burnout (NHS).
When you have identified feeling stressed, rather than bringing self-care and compassion to ourselves sometimes we can spiral into a self-critical negative cycle. You may have thoughts such as “I should be able to cope with everything without feeling stressed”, “Why can’t I do what other people can?”. It is easy to compare yourself to others who seemingly have it all together.
Take a moment to reflect and ask yourself, when was the last time I compared myself to someone else?
When you have thought of an example, ask yourself, how did it make me feel comparing myself to them?
It’s likely you feel worse through comparing yourself to someone. Even though they may seem to have it together, we never know what’s really going on for them. So instead of focusing on others, let us try to bring some self-compassion to your feeling of stress.
You don’t have to be busy or going through a lot to be stressed. We all can go through periods of stress at any time. Remember we all have different triggers for stress; for some, going out shopping can feel stressful, for others it could be talking in a meeting at work. We are all different and that’s okay. Remember, we all have different tolerances to stress.
The window of tolerance is the amount in which we can handle stress; for someone that has a mental health condition or has experienced trauma that window could be smaller. Something that may not be a trigger for someone else can be a trigger for you if you are struggling with your mental health. Thinking in this way helps you to be more compassionate to yourself and others around you. Its okay to feel stressed that you may be late for work and feel stressed about feeling stressed. We can work towards being more self-compassionate when dealing with stress. Firstly, by giving yourself permission to take time out of your week. Sometimes it can be challenging to initially give yourself permission to take this time; try by first looking at your calendar for the week and find a day/time to block out time for you. Even if its 10 minutes to give yourself some time for self-care.
Ask yourself: How often do I allow time for me? How do I feel about giving myself time for self-care?
Remember its okay to not be okay and it's okay to ask family, friends for a bit of support. It doesn’t mean you are failing or any less amazing, it just means you’ve got a lot on. If you’re finding it challenging to allow yourself permission to deal with stress, ask yourself: What would I say to a friend or family member that is overwhelmed, stressed but is not doing anything to look after themselves?
If you are noticing that your day-to-day is being impacted by stress or if its impacting your work this may be a time to speak to a manager to get some support and take a step back. It's important you look after you and know when you need to take some time out.
Mental Health Foundation (https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/stress)
Mind (https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/stress/what-is-stress/)
GOV UK, 2021 (https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-mental-health-and-wellbeing-surveillance-report/2-important-findings-so-far)
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